I'm Almost Back...

Hi People!

Long time no see!  It's been a completely hellish week or so, complete with non-sexual hip bruises, a bedspring that won't fit up a stairwell, two dozen feral cats, six bales of Beagle fur, and an emergency plumbing problem.  George the Superpet is panic-stricken and confused, and we've eaten so much Taco Bell that we don't even like it anymore.  And THAT, my friends, is something I thought I'd never say.  I haven't been drinking much because I can't find my liquor, and while I've never had a Xanax, this seems like the time to start.  People at work, thinking I'm tired, are commenting on the dark circles under my eyes, which are actually just there because it's how I look.  It's akin to saying, "Wow, you are just not attractive."  But they mean well, and I'm taking it as a hint to use more foundation.  When I find it.

So it's late and I have to move the boxes off of my bed, and we still haven't found the alarm clock, so I'm going to try to sleep.  Last night I had a dream that I was with a friend from college (hi Sue!) and her military hubby was really happy and everyone talked about how nurturing she is, and I was in charge of a bunch of guys who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and they were all cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.  Then I dreamed that CH asked me for a divorce, and I couldn't tell in the dream if I was upset about it or not.  My attitude was sort of like, "Take a number, buddy, nobody is happy with me right now."

And I can't blog about my job.

I hope all has been well in the Life of the Wifers, and I have missed you all.  I have a project to finish tomorrow night, but I will have something for Whoreticulture Friday.  George and Todd say hi, and winners of the Bloggyversary prizes?  I'll send your stuff as soon as I find it.

Love and inappropriate personal space invasion,

It's Not Whoreticulture Friday Issue 1

Hi people - sorry about this, but I honestly didn't realize it was Friday until about an hour ago when someone on facebook reminded me.  Take out your violins, it's a pity party -

I am on my 12th day in a row of work, because I had an event last weekend.  We closed on our house yesterday.  We have to be out of our old house by the end of the day Sunday.  My job will only allow me to take one day off next week, and I have an event Thursday night until 10 p.m., but comp time is now apparently illegal.  I still have three children involved in too many activities. I just got a new freelance job I can't say no to,   SOOO...

I am taking a week off of blogging. 


I don't even know what day we are unplugging and moving the computers, not sure where everything is going, etc.  I'm a donkey on the edge!

I will return no later than Monday, September 27.  I am sure I won't get everything done and will be madly trying to clean the old house, crying, at midnight next Sunday, so I can't guarantee anything before then.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and week, and I will come back clean and fresh and full of stories a week from Monday.  Signing off,

VIDEO UP!You're All Winners. But only two get prizes.

Hey Wifers!

After finishing a glass of wine with My Attorney, I finally figured out how to download the video Oldest Daughter shot onto You Tube from my camera, because OF COURSE we have already packed the digital camcorder.  It's all about the planning.

UPDATE, MIDNIGHT.
Okay, so I didn't figure out how to download the f***ing video to f***ing YouTube, and keep getting f***ing error messages, and the video is pretty cute because of George the Superpet, but I am so f***ing tired I can't stay up any longer without succumbing to the urge to punch my computer and throw my camera across the room.  Below is proof that I tried.



So, without futher ado...


The winner of the Bloggyversary Giveaway is Dionne Moore Veitch, and the Slightly Disappointed Runner-Up is Jennifer Cross Bridges.  Michelle, you will be getting a consolation prize for effort.  I will still post the video tomorrow, after Current Husband is awake and I make him work on it, but I'm sure it still won't be until tomorrow night because we are closing on our house tomorrow.

Congrats ladies, and thanks everyone for playing!

Bloggyversary Drawing is Tonight!

Hello Wifers!

Tonight is the big Bloggyversary Sort-of-Lame-and-Yet-Totally-Free Giveaway!  But before I draw the Big Winner and the Slightly-Less-Happy Runner-up, I have to do the following:

1. Finish my day at work at 5 p.m.
2. Make a fast and likely non-nutritious meal for my children, which must be eaten in 5 minutes.
3. Get out the door and to piano lessons at 5:30 p.m., and brace myself for the reprimand from the piano teacher because the piano store did not have the lesson book Youngest Daughter needs in stock.
4. Go to local business and pick up donation for a work-related project.
5. Get Oldest Daughter, take her to ballet class by 6:30 p.m.
6. Get back across town and pick up YD and The Son from piano, also by 6:30 p.m.
7. Take The Son to look at bunk beds.
8. Pick up OD from ballet at 7:30 p.m.
9. Get everyone home, showered, homeworked, and in bed.
10. Open bottle of wine and wait for My Attorney, scheduled to arrive at 9 p.m.  We talk, and wait for Current Husband to have recording technology ready.
11. We draw two names.  We finish bottle of wine.  I post winners.

This should be posted tonight, but it probably won't be until 10 p.m. CST or so.  Depending on CH and the wine.  Have a great day!

Workin' for the Weekend

Loverboy once said that everybody's workin' for the weekend.  I must disagree, Loverboy.  Some of us are workin' ON the weekend.  This weekend, I had to work yesterday for three hours and today for eight hours, and it hurt.

 1. It hurt because I dropped an eight foot 

banquet table on my foot.  Any yes, 

I took off my nail polish and my toes 

are a little fugly.  Don't judge me.

2.  It hurt because I missed the cutest boy ever's 

football game, and don't think he won't 

remember this when he has to choose 

between his mom and girlfriend for

who gets the hug after his team 

wins the Orange Bowl.

3.  It hurts because George the Superpet 

already misses me during the day, 

and now I'm disappearing on the weekends too, 

and it's making him very needy, in that 

he kisses me all the time when I am 

actually around.  Poor George.  

More Snausage for George.

4

4.  It hurts in that my already crazy dead 

stuffed squirrel, Todd "Hot Nuts" Epstein, 

is so freaked out by my absence that 

he is now abusing pharmaceuticals.

AND...

5.  It hurts because I am really tired and zonked out on Benadryl and Taco Bell, because who cooks after working all weekend, and now I am posting a slightly lame-ass blog.  You deserve more, Gentle Readers!  You should unionize!  Talk amongst yourselves while I go to bed.

It's your last chance to sign up for the "Why Is She Even Bothering Bloggyversary Giveaway!"  My Attorney will be present Wednesday night when I draw the winner and the runner up, and there may be other unexpected surprises.  You need to comment to be entered.  Have a great Monday, and I'll see you Wednesday!