Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Leaving Spouses: Man v. Wife

After more than a year of planning, I'm leaving my husband.

For a woman. Actually, for six of them.

There will be nudity and drinking and sharing of beds. Innuendo is all but certain. I will be shaving my legs and painting my toenails. (Oh yes. It's THAT serious.)

My high school posse all turned 40 this year, and we've been planning a trip to celebrate. Anyone with children knows how hard it is to plan a trip with their schedules in mind, but imagine SEVEN mothers with 15 children between them trying to coordinate a weekend in the year that everyone has free. It was difficult, at best. But we made it happen, and now I'm leavin' on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again.

In preparing to leave for this trip, I've found myself contemplating the differences between a man leaving versus a woman leaving. It is Tuesday night, and my flight leaves at 9 a.m. Thursday morning. I've arranged all rides, RSVP'd all parties, dances, babysitting gigs, and meals. I've forwarded my itinerary to Current Husband, and typed out a schedule for him, which has been e-mailed to him and posted on the fridge.

Schedule for the rest of the week:

7:25 Child 2 and Child 3 to friend's house to get ride to school
7:30 Drive Child 1 to middle school
7:45 Most Excellent Wife to airport
8:55 MEW flight leaves
3:30 Kids home from school (Child 1 has cell phone)
5:30 You can take kids out, or there are leftover pork chops

Cereal for breakfast
7:30 Friend picks up Child 1 for school (Friend phone number 555-5555)
8:20 Child 2 and Child 3 to school, they will eat hot lunch.
3:30 Kids walk home from school (Child 1 has cell phone)
6:30 Dinner at friend's house. Child 1 to middle school dance. Take red wine on counter, chutney dish in fridge, flowers will be delivered.

Breakfast in fridge
1:30 Child 2 to Bowling Alley for birthday party, gift is on desk, invite on fridge if you need parent phone #.
3:30 Pick up Child 2 from party
Order pizza, number on fridge
5:30 Child 1 babysitting for People (phone number). They will pick her up.
11 Child 1 returned home from babysitting

Bagels in fridge
Leftover pizza for lunch
6:40 MEW flight arrives at Moline airport

Here is the preparation when CH is leaving for trip:

"Where is my stuff? Bye!"

In my next life, I hope to come back as a man. Either way, I am definitely getting myself a wife.


The Insatiable Host said...

SOOOOOOO unfair but SOOO true! i love how they tell you that they do so much when really that consists of sleeping till the last minute before work, and coming home at the break of dawn....on days off they really do A LOT of sleeping...then get angry when you ask for help...ENJOY YOUR TRIP!!! sleep in late, drink a lot, laugh until your belly hurts and when you come back -rethink your decisions! lol have a great time Julie and Happy Birthday!

Julie said...

It's funny how universal the Man Language is, no? Thanks, and I will do EXACTLY as you say!

Anissa said...

Enjoy your time away! At this point in my children's lives, such a trip is years away. I'll live vicariously through you. :) Glad to have found my way over.

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