Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's On Like Donkey Kong.

Current Husband and I have an interesting relationship.  There are lots of words that describe our love, like "odd", "immature", and "inexplicable", but I think the word that best describes it is "competitive". 

This week's Parade magazine had a cute article in it by Connie Schultz called "My Family's Scrabble Wars" about how competitive she is with her husband when they play.  CH and I play lots of hard-core Scrabble (as in we play competitively, not in that we play in leather and chains and it's somehow X-rated), so I had CH read the article, and he said, "Yeah, that's good.  You should write something like that, about how I kick your ass at everything we do."

Oh really?  No sex for you, CH.  
Who wins now, jackass?

We have been going mano y mano since we met.  It started with pool, then darts, then video games, and yes, he pretty much beat me at all of that.  But come on, those are traditional testosterone activities, and I held my own.  Then it would be things like "Who can get to the door first?" when we lived in our apartment.  One time, we were walking back to the apartment from doing laundry, and I took off to beat him back to the door.  CH saw me take off, and instead of trying to beat me, he just kicked the back of my foot, causing me to launch the laundry basket, full of FOLDED WHITES, on the grass in front of me.  I started punching him, and he just laughed and laughed.  It's a miracle we didn't make it on COPS that night.
This is what I deal with on a regular basis.

Don't believe me?  Here is a list of things we've competed at in the past year:
  • Who gets the last bite of a shared dessert at a restaurant.
  • Who gets the last cookie.
  • Who gets the last glass of wine in the bottle.
  • Who can find the remote faster (I think he may be tricking me into finding it for him.)
  • Who's stronger.
  • Who's smarter.
  • Finishing the crossword first.
  • Who can win Wii bowling/skiing/balance board/anything.
  • Losing weight.
  • Shooting baskets.
  • Grilling meat.
  • Playing ping pong.
  • Playing air hockey.
  • Playing Guitar Hero.
  • Trivial Pursuit.
  • Teaching the dog to talk.
You may think I'm trying to by funny, but I am deadly serious.  We stayed up until 2 a.m. once trying to beat each other's Wii skiing time.  And yes, CH beat me at that.  The bastard.  But in the words of Lenny Kravitz, It Ain't Over Til It's Over.  Which, strangely enough, happens to be "our song".  I told you our love is odd.

We are the worst at Scrabble, probably because it's something at which I can beat him regularly.  And he HATES it when I beat him.  He gets all quiet and focused, and he starts taking about 20 minutes every turn so he can get optimum points, and I'm such a giver that I don't call him out on time, because according to Scrabble rules I believe you are to take THREE minutes per turn.  (Since I am smarter, I figure giving him more time to think evens us out.)  We are pretty well matched in Scrabble, because I have a bigger vocabulary, but he is a logistics king.  I'll throw down a word like "Tithing" or "Redundant" and only get 18 points, and he'll put down an "X" on a Triple Word Score and make two words like "Ox" and "Axel" and get 75 pointsIt's really annoying.

There are things we respectfully refuse to compete over.  He has finally conceded that I am a better storyteller (after years of people telling him so - he took that kind of hard), and I know that I will never be able to achieve his level of skill in breakdancing.  Other than that, everything is game.

And to that?  I spell B-R-I-N-G. I-T.  Because it is on like Donkey Kong.  And I can probably beat him at that, too.  What does George the Superpet say about it?  Right now it's "Brrghhhhh..." but by the end of the year, it WILL be "Julie".


Peggy Sue Brister said...

My husband and I have only competed at one thing. He bought a PS3 and got the game Tekken & made the mistake of asking me if I wanted to play against him one day. I told him,"Honey, I am good at Tekken. I will beat you every time. I promise. I use to play Tekken all the time & nobody could ever beat me" But he was all like "Bring it on miss badass" So we picked who we wanted to fight with (I pick Eddy every time) and we played. I beat him. We played again. I beat him. We played another round, and when I beat him the third round he didn't want to play anymore. He hasn't asked me to play it with him again.
But he would never play me at SCrabble or Trivial Pursuit. He said I am too smart for him. He just doesn't like games that make you think.

Clare said...

We're WAY competitive over Scrabble too! I'm disappointed that the Scrabble rules have changed to allow proper nouns and people and places. Boo. Now he can totally make up a word like, "Shaqooza" or something and say, "Oh yeah, that was totally the name of my checkout lady at the grocery store today." To which I would say, "Yeah right. Eat this word, SUCKER! TRIPLE WORD SCORE! BOO-YEAH!"

I may look sweet, but I'm a fiery beotch when I want to be. ;)

Julie, The Wife said...

Okay, ladies, I LOVE it when the uterus trumps the testicle. Stories like yours are why I write a blog at all.

Julie, The Wife said...

BTW, is everyone seeing the completely porno ads Google Adsense is putting on my blog? IMVU, with the anime leather chick straddling the anime guy? Just because I put the word "SEX" in my blog DOESN'T mean I want porn ads, AdSense!

CeCe Savage said...

Lol at the Google ads.

I like your blog. You have a new follower.

Anissa said...

I love it! Hubs and I haven't had a good match in a long time. It's on!

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points said...

Very funny, and I hear you.

While training for an athletic event, I had biked more over a few weeks, so I was a tiny bit faster. Himself's answer, "Well, I ran yesterday..."

Can't I just be bloody FASTER for like A DAY until you catch up and leave my heiny in the dust?

But then, if I don't kick his tuckus in Trivial Pursuit I throw food.

So, basically, we're even.

Clicked over from The Bloggess. Loved your post.

Phil said...

This topic hits too close to home. My lovely wife is somewhat more intelligent than I, but when it come to vocabulary or wordplay, she completely dominates me. About a year and a half ago, I soundly thrashed her (in Scrabble) three times within a week (law of averages?). That was the last time we played (Scrabble).

By the way, I know what you mean about the porn that Google Adsense is putting on your page. Ore-Ida Steam n' Mash ... that's just SICK!

Anonymous said...

I think you meant to say that 'you can rarely beat me' in Scrabble. You failed to mention anything related to card games. Take for example Gin, which in 17 years I don't recall you winning a game. You are better at forgiveness than I am. So you might lift the ban. LU CH

Julie, The Wife said...

Uh, CH - I can RARELY beat you in Scrabble? I just took out the scorepad, and here are the last 3 games: Me 371, CH 242. ME 297, CH 278. ME 371, CH 259. And I have beaten you in Gin. Ban is enforced.

Anita said...

Hilarious. I beat Ross and everyone is my house at Wheel of Fortune. i am so going to go on that show. When we first met, Ross was all- I am awesome at Wheel of Fortune. after 2 weeks of living together, he conceded and now sees me as his cash cow, should I get on the show...Nice try sucking up CH. Nice try....

GrandeMocha said...

Who is the better stalker? Who is better at twitter?

Julie, The Wife said...

EXACTLY. And when this country gets taken over by the Russians, no one will give a crap how many Gin hands you've won. The stalkers and Tweeters will prevail.

muffintopmommy said...

LOVE IT!! LOVE IT!! Did I mention the hubs took a picture of our Scrabble board when we were on vaca last summer? He finally beat me, took the pic, and claimed he was going to post it on FB! Needless to say, I think I tackled him by the cooler of beer. 'Nuf said.

RubyTwoShoes said...

This was most entertaining, thank you!
I've given up trying to beat my partner who is a 'natural' and almost anything, which is annoying to say the least. We once went on a camping trip with some friends and it turned into a mini Olympics of contest - open to absolutely any challenge from building sandcastles, to long jump, to card games - and he won them all, even the 'who got the most text msgs' contest we held as we came back into reception....

aleigh said...

Big Daddy = Fierce Competitor. A recent challenge was, "Who can keep their side of the bathroom vanity cleaner the longest."

Currently, our tactile version of "scrabble" is playing bananagrams with the kids. It's freer and faster and there are no Triple Word boxes to run up the score with plays like "ox."

p.s. the Words with Friends iphone app is an addictive opportunity to play scrabble with long-distance friends and relatives on a regular basis. It's very fun. My SIL and I waste hours in between moves trying to utilize "Q" on a triple letter/triple word turn.

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