Monday, April 30, 2012

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Today I made the mistake of looking at the search terms that brought people to my blog lately.  I was hoping it would be things like "Good mom" or "Domestic Goddess" or "Feral Cat Porn".  Instead, I found this really odd smorgasborg of things that I now feel compelled to blog about, because I'm a pleaser and I don't want to let Google Search down.

estrogen 44
a day in the wife 14
innocent teens 6
donkey shrek ass 5
teen panty 5
adayinthewife 4
anne taintor postcards 4
hollister guy models 4
nice legs on teens 4
estrogen pictures 3

Estrogen, I get. I'm all about the estrogen. But why do at least five of these search terms seem to be things searched by sex offenders? Innocent teen? Teen panty? Donkey shrek ass? It's a little icky.  Just so we're clear, if you are a pedophile sex offender, YOU'RE ON THE WRONG WEBSITE.  Perhaps even the wrong Internet.  Or planet.  This helps explain why I don't get many comments, other than the fact that Blogger is a dick about comments.  Half of my views are from pedophiles who are male Hollister models into Donkey on Shrek and they see my blog and say, "Whoops!" and click off.  Let's not say "click off" because now it sounds like a sex term.  Let's say "reboot".  No.  "Press Enter"?  No.  Let's say "leave".

As I'm getting all judgey about what people search to accidentally get to my blog, I think about my search terms.  The other day a co-worker told me that she thinks our IT guy at work has been looking at our e-mails and web browsers, and I panicked a little bit, because I bring my work laptop home and it's where I blog.  Here are recent things I have searched and/or Googled:
  • Can eunochs have orgasms?
  • I have a third nipple - at The Bloggess
  • Cats having sex (images)
  • Pippa handgun
  • Rogers, Arkansas
  • Fifty Shades of Gray
  • Release Date for Breaking Dawn Part 2
  • Swim lesson dates available
  • When was Ted Bundy electrocuted?
  • "The Show" Malbec
   (Seriously delicious, people.)
These are honest searches I've performed.  It's a little awkward, seeing where your brain has been on the Internet.  So I figure there is NO WAY our IT guy is checking this stuff out, or I would have been called into HR a while ago.
On a side note, I just ate a quarter pound of Jelly Bellies and I think I'm going to throw up.  Time to pound some Tums and finish The Bloggess's book, which is unsurprisingly hilarious.

Here's a picture of me drinking water for the creepy people:
You're welcome.


Rhonda said...


also i just read fifty shades of grey and it is something. i actually already got the second and third book of the trilogy though so there is that.

also when is BD2 coming out?

Anonymous said...

Those search terms are hilarious!

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