The Big One

I want to Stop. And thank you, Baby. 

This is the 100th post of A Day in The Wife!!

Virtual cupcakes and champagne for everyone!

So this is the 100th post on the blog as it exists today.  Let me take a moment to Stop.  And thank you, Baby.  (BTW - I wanted the James Taylor version, but Playlist doesn't have it.  So sad.) I know it can be tough to stick around.  Some posts are boring, some are downright creepy, there is TMI everywhere, and you have to suffer through my hair issues, and yet, here you are, gentle reader.  I lose a few with weaker constitutions (I lost TWO followers last Whoreticulture Friday!), but you, you are the tough ones.  You are the Stands With Fist to my Dances With Wolves.  Big sloppy kisses to you.

So today I am all over the board.  I'll try not to ramble too much.  First on the list is the follow-up to yard work.  I have two buried splinters, bitches!  TWO!!!  Here is a picture of the curb with all of the yard waste bags:

Cue the banjo music.

There are 18 bags of yard waste and 10 bundles of sticks.

Our neighbors LOVE us.

But this is what the loverly yard looks like now:

   The little clematis that could.

So that got done to some extent.  I love spring.  Now I need to get some new garden gloves, hydrogen peroxide, a needle, and a strap of leather to bite on while Current Husband digs these splinters out.  Sounds like foreplay, no?

Next topic:  Youngest Daughter's Birthday

Oh my Lord, this girl.  I'm going to tackle this in chronological order.  I had her in 2003, and she was so flippin' cute and was all personality, from the get-go.  My mom flew up from Texas to help out, and YD was one week overdue.  The night before Mom was to leave, the baby was still in utero, so I laid across Mom's lap and had CH take pictures of Mom "holding the baby".  About an hour later, my water broke, and YD came kicking and screaming into the world at about 6 a.m.  Since then, she has relished her role as "The Baby" of the family.   

BELIEVE ME - NOBODY puts Baby in the corner here.

 Give me a gift or the boy gets it.

YD spent the night at a friend's house Saturday night.  At 7:45 a.m. Sunday, she called us from the friend's house, just to ask if she could still open a birthday gift early on Sunday.

Last year, she told us that her Sixth Birthday would be her last.  From that point forward, every birthday was to be her sixth birthday.  She was planning to actually stop aging by sheer willpower.  This year, she told me her birthday cake was to have a "6" on it.  I can tell people outside of the house she is 7, but in the house she will always be 6.  "It's our little secret," she told me today, when CH and I took her to Taco Bell for lunch. 

 NOTE:  See the candle?

Notice the lack of birthday candles?

YES!  I made her blow out a pillar candle! 

Mommy of the Year strikes again! 

Finally, she insisted upon Chuck E. Cheese for dinner.  Oh, Chuck E. Cheese, I hate you so.  Let me count thy ways:

1. We waited at the roped-off check in area a full five minutes for one of the angst-filled teens who work there to notice us, document and stamp us, and let us through to Bacteriaville.
2. We waited at the counter for another five minutes for a different angst-filled teen to notice us and take our order for $40 pizza.  Oh, and the tokens, which can then be used to buy one Tootsie Roll and a full case of meningitis. 
3. A full 90% of the men in there were wearing wife-beaters.  (See photo of CH below.  It's a miracle he didn't get his ass kicked.)
4.  Hand to God, I saw one kid in a full arm/midsection cast, one kid with an eye patch, and one kid with a boot on his foot, and one with a huge bruise on the side of his face.
5. The straws wouldn't come out of the dispenser because they were stuck to the inside.

 DOCUMENTATION:  Cleanliness is next to Godliness, Chuck E.

 
One of the angst-ridden teens was mine.  

Celebrating.  Good times, good times.

C

CH in his business attire, throwing his balls around.

Y

YD with the one invited rodent.

I'm picturing Ratatouille, with thousands 

of his brethren waiting in the cooler for closing time.

 Mommy onstage doing The Robot with the robots.

Oldest Daughter wishing someone would 

shoot her at this point.

At least I wasn't the trashiest dresser, for once. 

Well, I think that about wraps up the last 48 hours.  Tomorrow night I am hoping to post my now-overdue "Jen Lancaster has e-mailed me!" post.  I have great plans to stalk Jen.  You can pre-order her sure to be fabulous book here:  My Fair Lazy.  She has book signings all over, go to Jennsylvania, her website, for the schedule, but get there early, her events fill up fast!  As a matter of fact, go now, because her post from this weekend was hilarious.

Hope you are having a great week!  Thanks for sticking around, hope to see you for the next 100 - I'll be giving away puppies and free espressos!