Saturday, April 30, 2011

Checking in With The Peeps

Hello Peeps.

Current Husband is in the shower and thinks I am getting the kids ready for our 3-hour car ride this morning to his grandmother's 90th birthday.  But instead, I am writing a quick note to you, Wifers.  I love you all, of course, but this is my modus operandi - when I want to avoid something, I simply find something else I'd rather do until I get caught, and then I can bring on a mean martyr complex.  I want to go to the birthday party, but I hate the ride.

SO the Hooker Convention was fun, but I'm sore.  There are a lot of great hookers out there, it's intimidating.

Can you believe someone hooked this picture with tiny strips of wool?
What did you THINK I was talking about?

I get back from the Hooker Convention at about 8 p.m. Thursday, kick back a shot of Nyquil, and go to bed.  The alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m., and after a moment of confusion, I jump out of bed and drive to the home of some friends, one of whom is a Brit.  A legit Brit.  He is too legit to quit being Brit, but he is also now an American.  He had donuts and Starbucks and running commentary on the wedding in a British accent, while watching it on the BBC. *bliss*  Then I raced off to make lunches at 7:30, get to work, get home at 4:30 p.m. and watch the royal wedding again.

Because my friend Mark is dying to hear my opinion on the wedding, I will give you a bulleted synopsis:
  • Dress- Loved it. And I did have lace sleeves on my wedding dress, which I am sure influenced Kate when she saw my wedding on TV when she was 14.
  • Pippa - Sex on a stick.  Who was getting laid after the reception?
  • Oh, that would be Harry.  Maybe with Pippa instead of his sort of frumpy looking Chelsey Davey.  Did she borrow her great aunt's suit for the wedding?
  • Fergie's girls - I hate to say it, but they got their mom's fashion sense.
  • William - when did you lose all that hair?
  • Why does Harry look more like James Hewitt than Charles?

 Exactly.

7:36 p.m.
I was caught blogging and had to stop so I could get in the car and leave.  We attended the party (Happy Birthday CH's Grandma!), found out one of CH's aunts reads the blog when we thought no one in the family knew about it (Hi M!), and then went over to CH's half sister's house to see her get her prom pictures taken and meet her date.  It was fun to see her all glammed up, she looked so pretty, but I am POSITIVE she wanted us to get the hell out of there.  We rolled up in the swagga wagon, unloaded the kids with fast food wrappers falling out, ran into the house, scared the heck out of her date. 

I made them do a picture of her holding up a knife like she was going to stab him, and really, he had nothing to be scared about because it was a bread knife and probably couldn't have done too much damage.  It definitely would have given him time to run before he bled out.  And really, I did her a huge favor, because if that kind of thing is going to freak him out, he really isn't going to last in this family anyway.  He laughed, so he seems to be a keeper.

Oldest Daughter, on the other hand, was completely appalled, and stressing out about her prom pictures, which are probably at least two years away.  She might get Darwined out of the brood.

4 comments:

ForeverRhonda said...

I was wondering about William's hair too. I even commented to The Hubs on it while we were watching it again at the gym. He of course had no freakin' clue what I was talking about.

Nikki said...

You are hilarious! I seriously laughed several times- the wedding dress line, the bread knife- very funny! And every time I read your blog, that little squirrel over there on the left just makes me giddy.

GrandeMocha said...

I thought Fergie's daughters went a litle too heavy on the eye makeup & the weird hats. Kate & Pippa were devine!

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