Friday, April 22, 2011

It's Whoreticulture Friday!

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or neighbors who are raising feral cats.

Today's topic: Pink Butt.

It's ironic, perhaps, that after I posted the Tina Fey Prayer for Daughters, Oldest Daughter and I went shopping at Victoria's Secret.  She received a gift card to VS from my mother, who also gave Youngest Daughter a 950-piece Lego castle for her birthday, thus proving Mom is still holding a grudge from my drinking days in high school.  (What happened in college stayed at college.)

It's interesting to me how much Victoria's Secret is marketed toward teens.  Everyone in my 14-year-old's dance class wears PINK apparel to dance in, and most likely on their privates as well.  I like to call this syndrome "Pink Butt", which I pray is vastly different from Pink Eye and the crusty-runnyness of the latter.

Just an innocent teen, 
going to yoga.

Whatever these teens are being told to wear on their privates I've found is not at all meant to be private.  OD was interested in the yoga section, but she wouldn't know a down dog if it bit her on the calf.  I'm realizing that I am waaay past my semi-slutty days of teenagery and closer to the Methodist Women Morals Squad of my grandmother as I perused the 5-for-$25 panty section, with a waify collegiate type on the display wearing the yoga panties.  Here is a smattering of what they offer:

If we're at this point in the disrobing,
I hope you already have one.
Oh dear God. I hope he doesn't.
Please, please, PLEASE
Let him be lactose intolerant.

Perhaps VS should consider making a line of panties designed by parents that can be displayed next to this "yoga" line of underwear.  Here are my suggestions:

And my personal favorite:

Happy Whoreticulture Friday!  Have a great weekend, Happy Easter, and I'm sorry Jesus, I will try to behave.


Susan Wagoner said...

Great job on the new panty slogans! Happy to be in Japan right now where there's no VS and my OD has to still wear Hanes. Also happy I have many daughters so I still have little ones wearing Princess and Dora. :)

Jean Cumbie said...

OMG! Ignore my penis! Dying...I would totally buy those, my husband would die laughing when he saw them. I'm just that twisted!

ForeverRhonda said...

I would totally buy those! I think The Hubs would get a kick out of them.

Anonymous said...

I love that last pair and would be proud to wear them!

Then again, if I had a penis, I'd probably be swinging it around & showing it off (look what I can do!) to anyone who'd look.

So... nevermind.

Shiny said...

Why I try to eat lunch while reading your blog---I'll never know. I always end up choking while I laugh or spraying food all over the monitor. Love the new line! You should set up a booth at EBWW next year. ;)

Melissa Bastow said...

Yeah, I'm really glad my daughters are still young and just want princesses on their butts.

UK said...

I’m not going to say what everyone else has already said, but I do want to comment on your knowledge of the topic. You’re truly well-informed. I can’t believe how much of this I just wasn’t aware of. Thank you for bringing more information to this topic for me. I’m truly grateful and really impressed.

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