It's Whoreticulture Monday! Issue 1

Yesterday, I picked up a copy of the much-discussed "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Tonight, I finished it. I have to blog about it now whilst I'm thinking about it, because DAMN. It's definitely Whoreticulture Material. So here it is, the first-ever Whoreticulture Monday.  Hide your children, hide your husbands.  The cuffs are snapping on.

If you didn't see Saturday Night Live this weekend, here is the ad you missed, which had me howling with laughter:


While I didn't straddle a washing machine or take a bath or utilize any "microphones", there were definite squirm-worthy moments.  Unfortunately for CH, Sunday afternoon with kids running all over the place isn't really the appropriate time to take advantage of those moments.  Fortunately for him, this is a trilogy.

I'm not going to ruin it for you by saying that it's chock full 'o sex and bondage.  I will say that when I started reading, I got a little pissed.  First, it's such an OBVIOUS rip-off of Twilight.  She's brunette, clumsy, smart but has somehow never dated.  She seems oblivious to every guy wanting her. Her mother is harebrained, her father is taciturn.  She loves Brit Lit.  He is god-like, long fingers, plays piano, powerful, is wealthy, is bad for her.  It's set in Washington State.  She works in an effing HARDWARE store.  I did have a commenter tell me the book came from a Twilight Fanfic site, which is where people write their versions of events with a Twilight theme, so maybe if you know that in advance you won't be so damn irritated about it like me.

In my opinion, the writing is very poor.  The author desperately needs a thesaurus.  If I read the words "harpy" or "inner goddess" one more time in my life it will be too soon. But she wrote a book and I haven't, so who am I to judge?  There are some parts that are admittedly hot, but I found myself so mad at the heroine during most of the book that I couldn't quite get in the appropriate mood.  Why does she stay?  Why is being dominated by a man so glorified?  Why would a woman EVER give up her right to free will?  Sex is great, but it isn't everything.  I was honestly disturbed by a lot of the story, and had trouble getting past my prejudices.  I swear, Betty Friedan is spinning in her grave.

 "Can you BELIEVE this bullshit?  Why did I even bother."

But.  As much as I rolled my eyes (oh, spank me) and muttered under my breath (Run, Dumbass, RUN!) I finished the 500-page tome in about 36 hours.  And now I have to buy the next one, because who doesn't love to watch a trainwreck?  I won't watch Kardashians or Bachelorettes, but I'm going to go Fifty Shades Darker.  Damn it.  I hate myself a little bit for it, but really, there had better be some big Woman Power in this one or I'm burning my bondage cuffs.