Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Deadline on Good Has Passed

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness' sake!

My kids were always afraid of Santa. They refused to sit on his lap, much less look at him, in a mall, and really? Isn't this what we taught them from birth? Strangers, lunatics in costume, people with candy, Hos, men who want you to sit on their laps, adults who try to make you keep secrets - ALL on the verboten list. But for one day a year, forget about all of that, kids, the danger is gone! Same deal with the Easter Bunny or other costumed characters. They just knew something wasn't right about that creature, and I never pushed them to form a relationship with these LSD-inspired maniacs. When you look at song lyrics like the above, you know why kids might fear St. Nick. Santa, according to Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town, is a bona fide stalker. I'm thinking this is where Sting got the inspiration for Every Breath You's the same concept, just a little more detailed.

Did I say ALL of my kids are afraid of Santa? Because our precious sweet baby, Youngest Daughter, is not. To her, this is a business negotiation. She met the minimum requirement for good this year, and it is payoff time. She will approach Santa with her list of demands, and a little bit of "You're going to make good on your end, capiche?"

The other day, YD is sitting at the table eating her after school snack when she started in with her daily "Can I have a friend over?" and I started in with my daily "Not tonight" and she did her usual "Why?" and I did my normal "Because I have things to do" and she said "All of my friends have people over" and I started yelling "You don't get to have friends over every night!" At this point, she got a little belligerent about it, and I threw down with my seasonal, "You shouldn't argue with me, Santa is watching." Because it's important to frighten the children with the idea that a magical creature is watching them at all times. That's just good parenting.

But YD had other ideas. She took another bite of her bar, nonplussed, and engaged me.

YD: "No Mom, Santa already knows I've been good, I'm okay."
ME: "What do you mean? Christmas is still over a week away."
YD: "Santa is done. Our teacher said we had to have our lists in last Friday, and he's already sent back a note saying I've been a good girl."
ME: "That doesn't mean he can't change his mind. You still have to be good."
YD: "What's he gonna do, Mom? "X" me off of his list? Santa doesn't have time. I'm already on the good list."

And she finished her snack.

My power was over. As far as she was concerned, this was a done deal, and to hell with that "being good" business, her work here was done. No coal for her.

Being good for goodness' sake? Fuggeddaboutit.

Santa Claus is comin' to town. And to YD, he's already halfway here.


Anita said...

HILARIOUS! No one is gonna walk over this kid. Of course, we knew that from her early days in the store...still cracks me up. At yet another of my part-time gigs, Barnes & Noble- we are selling this toy- Elf in A Box. It's this stuffed elf you put somewhere. You tell the kids he is watching to report back to Santa. Every night when they are asleep, you are supposed to remember to move the elf, to further convince them that he really did run back to the NP and report. I swear at it quietly when I walk by, just to see if it works. And given my life this month, I'd say so. Maybe YD could test it out....

Julie said...

Yes, Anita, you are very familiar with the doings of YD. "Customer.....! Don't touch!" She would have that Elf in a Box in another box and stuffed into the dryer.

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