Monday, June 28, 2010

Opening Your House Can Be Hazardous to Your Marriage

First, what do you think of the new template for ADITW?  I think it's pretty awesome!  This is the blog redesign I won through the Mummy-Time SuperMegaAwesome Giveaway, and was done by the ultra fab Sarah, of Blog Designs By Sarah (see her button on the bottom right-hand side?).  Group Slow Clap for Sarah today!

So many of you know Current Husband and I put our house on the market last Wednesday.  Holy Mother.  Of course, when one lists a house on the market, it is time to finish all of those projects you wanted to finish in the previous few years.  All I can say is thanks to the power of Prednisone, I have been on Roid Rage for the past 10 days.

I had this really funny post about all of the stuff that happened leading up to the open house, but CH came in and told me that I shouldn't blog about the house while we are trying to sell the house, so I had to delete it.  I guess he has a point, but it's ALL I'VE BEEN DOING and I really have very little else to write about.  Here is what got past the censor:
  1. I painted a few things.
  2. I only showered every couple of days.  Or three.
  3. We had Taco Bell twice. 
  4. I stripped Nancy Reagan (and this only got by because I already wrote about it.)
  5. I alienated my husband and frightened the kids and George the Superpet.
The downside is that I have killed approximately 5 million brain cells with paint fumes.  The upside is that I now have biceps.  Seriously.  If I had any sex drive left, CH would be on me like white on rice, but every time he tried to touch them I'm like "REALLY!?  REALLY!?!  ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS?!" and he backed away whimpering.  There is nothing like listing your house to make you turn on each other.  You start keeping track of who does what.  You start getting tired and delusional and seeing your spouse like this:

But the results have been sparkling!  Too bad I didn't do these things over the past four years! 
Here is some of my work:
New valance, new fluffy white towels 
and fresh white walls!

Suck it, Nancy Reagan!  I win!  The ceilings in here are 9 feet. 
Arms up for the wallpaper death march!

The open house was scheduled for Sunday at 1 p.m., but on Wednesday we got a call from someone wanting to see it before the open house, on Saturday night at 7 p.m.  POOF!  There goes 18 extra hours to prepare for the open house.  I popped a Prednisone, turned green, tore my shirt, flexed my biceps, and growled.  Bring it, Mr. Clean, you are my wingman.

All the cleaning and sprucing in the world might not sell your house, so I decided it was time to turn to a power higher than paint fumes and steroids:

A lovely friend gave me this St. Joseph and brought YD a Happy Meal on showing day.  Win-win.  I felt like St. Joseph needed a little extra something for luck, so I told CH I was going to bury him with a mini bottle of Bailey's I had in the fridge, but CH thought that was sacrilegious and therefore detrimental to our cause.  Again with the buzzkill, CH.  So instead, I buried St. Joseph with some delicious raisins, because the Sun-Maid Raisin Girl is kind of cute and I thought they might hit it off.

He is happily ensconced in a garden bed near a cute little bunny nest.
Work your magic, St. Joseph, because I am still on steroids and am unstable, and I know where you are buried.

Tomorrow, Oldest Daughter and I are going to the midnight showing of Eclipse, because after all of this house stuff, I need me some Edward and some Dots.  Can't wait!

Thanks again to Sarah, and thanks for sticking around, Wifers!  I read all of your comments and appreciate your support!  You people rock!


Brenda said...

Woohooo!! Nice job on the Blog Botox, Julie. Hehehe.

muffintopmommy said...

Love the new blog!
I hope St. Joe brings you a buyer---love the sign in your bathroom---does it convey? If so, I might make an offer!

Anonymous said...

Take some magnets and envision the family that is looking for your house being drawn to it. Put the magnets under your welcome mat.

My house sold in 3 weeks. 3 EFFING WEEKS IN THIS ECONOMY.

GrandeMocha said...

How much to come to Detroit & spiff up my bathrooms?

Joe Ambrosino said...

God!Sounds like my grandmother came back to life and moved into your neighborhood. I didn't realize St. Joseph is the patron saint of real estate brokers too. Anyway, I was going to offer practical advice from my niece who is the world's most capable woman (trust me) When she put her house up for sale, she created a few scenes (I forgot what she called them)around the house like a corner with a rocker and a crochet project on it or an open book and a quilt--scenes that suggest a life no one except maybe Martha effin' Stewart has time for. I hope you get what I mean.

Wendy Ramer said...

Blog Botox. I like that. And I will send my good wishes your way for a quick sale. So where the heck you guys gonna go? Oh, wait. That's probably fodder for future posts: Buying a new house - How to Close the Deal without Selling Your Children to Gypsies in the Process

Anita said...

The bathrooms look great Jules. Oh, and the ad underneath is for substance abuse treatment's true.

Joe Ambrosino said...

I just remembered! She (the niece)called them "tableau" and apparently, they are designed to allow would be buyers to feel warm and fuzzy about the possibilities of living in your house.

Deb said...

The bathrooms look phenomenal! Love the colors.

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