Thursday, October 28, 2010

It's Whoreticulture Friday!
Issue 47

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or neighbors who are raising feral cats.

Today's topic:
Sexy Halloween
It's that time of year...full of black (feral) cats, Reese's peanut butter cups, and pedophile-friendly Halloween costumes.  When Oldest Daughter forces me to listen to her Love In This Club radio station, I get to listen to ads for Halloween costumes. 

"Hey Partiers!  We have the sexiest Halloween costumes in town!  Sexy schoolgirls, sexy police officers, sexy house cleaners, sexy mothers, sexy nursing home residents...we've got them all!  And guys, you can buy your costume here too!  But bring your girlfriend so we can outfit her in the tightest, shortest costume her body will allow!"

I have to say, I really loathe sexy costumes, because even though I am single-handedly bringing sexy back, I am against exploitation as a hobby.  At least outside of the privacy of my own home.  However, anyone can see that these costumes exist to serve dual functions, therefore making them worth every penny of the $80 or more price tag.

 This costume gives its wearer the obligation
to spend her night telling everyone in the bar
about the crimes against Native American women,
including rape, smallpox, and alcoholism
...and to BE SEXY.

In this costume...well, in this costume
you are just going to hell. To BE SEXY.

If you are the luckiest girl in the room,
this one might land you in bed with Hugh Hefner,
six other women (including twins!)
and the worst crabs you've ever seen.
So Effing Sexy!

This costume is not only advertising
that you will cook, clean for,
and sleep with up to seven men,
or that height is not an issue for you,
but it also says, "Welcome Pedophiles and
Men Who Collect Disney products!"  SO SEXY!
 I don't know about you, but the nurses I've seen in the last 10 years are more likely to be wearing SpongeBob scrubs, but this costume will reap rewards beyond the $65 price tag.  Not only are you seen as nurturing, and as a working girl, and possibly Swiss, but you are likely carring antibiotics.  A win-win in this getup. 
Because it's SEXY!

And isn't that really what Halloween is all about?  Bring sexy?  I think CH is going as Ernie and I'm going as Bert, which says, "Give me the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and I might share, but no one is getting laid tonight."  So. Very. Sexy.

Happy Whoreticulture Friday, and a Sexy Halloween to you all!


Jane Impromptu said...

I'm a newbie to your blog but already look forward to my whoreticulture Friday fix. I also share your dislike for exploitaion as a hobby, very nicely put :)

The Table of Promise said...

Hahahahah! My friend tried on that Snow White costume this week when I went with her to a PORN store!! The woman at the store asked me what I was going to be,. and I answered "An exhausted mother of two."

annfmcl said...

This post + plus the Glee-sploitation post = awesome!

GrandeMocha said...

Search for Bert & Ernie pics. People take naughty pics of the dolls. Apparently Bert & Ernie can be sexy.

Lynn MacDonald said...

HAHAHA...i look like shit in that type of stuff so i just stay myself and go out as a slob. Works every year! Looking forward to more posts!

Brooke said...

The sexy nun costume wins!!!

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