Monday, December 12, 2011

Hello Teen Daughter, Have We Met?

Honestly, I thought I was going to be an awesomely cool Mom of a Teen.

Really, I did.

Stop laughing.

We read and watch Twilight together, and share a crush on Edward.  We both love chocolate milkshakes and hanging out at Starbucks and crab rangoon.  We like SNL and Project Runway and the same music.  We're both sarcastic and curmudgeonly.  But lately, something has come between us:

You bitch.

I don't know exactly WHOSE estrogen is getting in the way.  On Saturday, I had her in tears in the morning, she had me in tears in the afternoon.  I can't tell you who was being unreasonable.  All I can say is that there was so much estrogen in the van that it smelled like cherry chip cupcakes and the Queen Mother and Summer's Eve in there.
This is just a sampling of the accusations flying around on Saturday:
  1. I commented on one of her facebook posts and she deleted me.
  2. She was 10 minutes late getting in the van when I picked her up at a friend's house.
  3. She wouldn't help pick out a sweatshirt/Christmas present for her brother.
  4. I mentioned facebook to her boyfriend's mother.
  5. She says everyone in our family says she is angry and mean.
  6. I pointed out that she is slightly angry/sometimes mean to everyone in the family.
  7. She may have said we are the only parents who complain to their teens about scheduling their social lives better vis a vis rides to and from.
  8. I might have mentioned that it is unfortunate she ended up with such assholes for parents.
And things really just deteriorated from there.  But on the screaming upside-down roller coaster that is parenting a teenage girl while going through peri-menopausal symptoms yourself, there are exhilirating ups, and there are terrifying downs.  We are back to being friends at the moment, but I can almost hear the chain pulling our car up the steep metal hill - chink chink chink chink chink chink chink - before we hit the top and go plunging downward again.  Perhaps over math homework or texting.  Or the lack of protein in her diet.  Or the windchill.  It could be anything, really.  But I'll take the moment of detente and relish it.

On a side note, she is having terrible cramps and such while enjoying the curse of Eve, and when she went to cello lessons tonight, her male cello instructor said, "You look like you aren't feeling well", and meaning to say something along the lines of It's the Season When People Start to Get Sick, she mistakenly said, "Well it's that time of the month!"
Awesome.  I bet he didn't criticize her playing AT ALL tonight.  Be safe, cello instructor.  These are trying times.


Heather said...

Please email me! I have a question about your blog :)

pegzhere said...

I suspect that cello instructor will never EVER comment to a student that she isn't feeling well. With a 12 yr. old carrying the X chromosome, I fear for the future....

katherine4e said...

I survived 4 female teenagers! You can do it! I recently read an article in the October national Geographic on teenage brains,,, worth looking for!

Peruby said...

I think I held my breath the entire time I read your post. Then I took a big breath at the end. My daughter is now 20 but those were some horrific times. Sending merciful thoughts your way.

Peruby said...

Oh, and I know it is small comfort to you now and for the next few years but she and I are so close now. I hope the same for you and your daughter. In fact I am certain you two will be close.

Jody said...

Kids... what a rollercoaster ride. Reading this I'm remembering all the crap me and my s-son went through in the spring and am so relieved its now mostly behind us (it always gets better); I suppose mine has to grow up faster than most though, considering he is going to be a parent himself and there is a very naughty part of me that can't wait to chuckle when it's his turn to be on the other side of the shit-slinging :)

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