Hello Teen Daughter, Have We Met?

Honestly, I thought I was going to be an awesomely cool Mom of a Teen.

Really, I did.

Stop laughing.

We read and watch Twilight together, and share a crush on Edward.  We both love chocolate milkshakes and hanging out at Starbucks and crab rangoon.  We like SNL and Project Runway and the same music.  We're both sarcastic and curmudgeonly.  But lately, something has come between us:

You bitch.

I don't know exactly WHOSE estrogen is getting in the way.  On Saturday, I had her in tears in the morning, she had me in tears in the afternoon.  I can't tell you who was being unreasonable.  All I can say is that there was so much estrogen in the van that it smelled like cherry chip cupcakes and the Queen Mother and Summer's Eve in there.

This is just a sampling of the accusations flying around on Saturday:

1. I commented on one of her facebook posts and she deleted me.
2. She was 10 minutes late getting in the van when I picked her up at a friend's house.
3. She wouldn't help pick out a sweatshirt/Christmas present for her brother.
4. I mentioned facebook to her boyfriend's mother.
5. She says everyone in our family says she is angry and mean.
6. I pointed out that she is slightly angry/sometimes mean to everyone in the family.
7. She may have said we are the only parents who complain to their teens about scheduling their social lives better vis a vis rides to and from.
8. I might have mentioned that it is unfortunate she ended up with such assholes for parents.

And things really just deteriorated from there.  But on the screaming upside-down roller coaster that is parenting a teenage girl while going through peri-menopausal symptoms yourself, there are exhilirating ups, and there are terrifying downs.  We are back to being friends at the moment, but I can almost hear the chain pulling our car up the steep metal hill - chink chink chink chink chink chink chink - before we hit the top and go plunging downward again.  Perhaps over math homework or texting.  Or the lack of protein in her diet.  Or the windchill.  It could be anything, really.  But I'll take the moment of detente and relish it.

On a side note, she is having terrible cramps and such while enjoying the curse of Eve, and when she went to cello lessons tonight, her male cello instructor said, "You look like you aren't feeling well", and meaning to say something along the lines of It's the Season When People Start to Get Sick, she mistakenly said, "Well it's that time of the month!"

 

Awesome.  I bet he didn't criticize her playing AT ALL tonight.  Be safe, cello instructor.  These are trying times.