It's Whoreticulture Friday! Issue 29

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. (Yes, KAREN, that includes YOU!)

Today's topic: Good Vibrations, Rabbit style.

Last week was all about The BeBe.  This week, we'll discuss a better known and more widely used vibrator, The Rabbit.  The Rabbit was apparently made popular by Sex And The City, which I wouldn't know because we got HBO for the first season, and then Current Husband started the downward spiral against cable television, starting with the premium channels.  So what I'm really telling you is that I have a large gap in my pop culture education.  I have a confession to make - I didn't even SEE the first SATC movie, and I've heard so many bad things about that second one that I have no intentions of seeing it either.  This means I will be unable to participate in about 35% of the conversations women will be having this summer.

To get everyone up to speed, so to speak, here is the SATC clip that made it all famous:





Is anyone else ished out by the fact that Carrie and Miranda just grab the Rabbit, presumably after Charlotte has been using it all afternoon, and the Miranda sticks it in her PURSE?  I love my friends, but there are LIMITS, people.

When people talked about The Rabbit around me, I conjured up an image of a Micheal Graves-looking thing, kind of white and industrial, and actually looking like a rabbit.  

This is a Michael Graves pepper mill.  

But you can see the possibilities.

Instead, I went to the website for The Rabbit, and now every time I go to The Bloggess site, The Rabbit Vibrator comes up in my search history, and I feel a little bit dirty.  When I clicked on the link for The Rabbit, my screen was filled with various versions of this:

 I guess there is a rabbit on there, 

but I'm having a hard time finding it 

next to the HUGE PINK PENIS.

Here is what the people at The Rabbit Vibrator company are saying about this apparently must-have accessory: 

"Very similar to The Original Jack Rabbit Vibrator, Japanese craftsmanship, known very much for its superior quality, takes the Rabbit Pearl Vibrator to a whole new level. If The Original Jack Rabbit Vibrator is the Honda Civic of rabbit vibrators, then the Rabbit Pearl Vibrator is undoubtedly the Acura TSX. Unfortunately, all the analogies in the world wouldn't do justice to this truly amazing vibrator. The moment you slip it in, you're taken to a land of ecstasy, a land that only other Rabbit Pearl Vibrator owners really know. Do yourself a favor, give the Rabbit Pearl Vibrator a ride."

 While this sounds intriguing, I can't get over the image of driving an Acura TSX in my vagina.  Anyone who has birthed three human beings vaginally knows that this isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility.  But that story is for another Whoreticulture Friday.

The other thing I'm thinking about are the Japanese.  Are they the International standard for vibrator craftsmanship?  Does their trade secretary brag about this sort of thing?  "We very good make sex toy."  Do people buy cheaper vibrators and then regret it, as in, "I saved $40 on this rabbit vibrator from Turkey, but it totally doesn't work.  Why did I not go with the Japanese model?"  Wouldn't you expect the best vibrator to be produced in Bangkok?  I worry about these things.

And another thing - don't get me wrong, I love sex, but what honestly takes me to the land of ecstasy is a huge piece of warm chocolate cake with ice cream on top, a superb glass or two of merlot, and the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice.  Colin Firth, you had me at "she's barely tolerable...not enough to tempt me."  And then he dove into the pond with that shirt on ...mee-ow.  If you haven't seen the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, which aired on A&E, then your life is not complete.  Get thee to a Netflix, stat!  It is the basis for Bridget Jones' Diary, another must-see favorite movie.  But we are talking about The Rabbit, about which Jane Austen never wrote.

SO, in conclusion:

1. I have no personal experience with a Rabbit.  Partially because I worry my children would find it and be traumatized further than they already are. 
2. It was on SATC, which should probably mean something.  The writers on that show seemed to be up to speed on sex related topics.
3. It is similar to driving an Acura into your lady parts.
4. The Japanese know their shit about dildos, Acuras and sushi.  Coincidence?  I think not.
5. You need to see the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.  Seriously people, don't put it off.

Of course, I would LOVE to hear about your experiences with The Rabbit.  And so would CH, honestly, because he does read all of this stuff religiously in case I write about him.

Happy Whoreticulture Friday, and have a great weekend!