Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Get Nutty With Todd, Jan. 25

Hey Wifers!
Do you like margaritas?
Do you think guac rocks?
Are you pleased by cheese?
Do you have inexplicable feelings of
warmth toward taxidermied squirrels?

Then do I have news for you!

It's time to get nutty with Todd!

Todd "Hot Nuts" Epstein
cordially invites you
to his First Annual Quad Cities
 Taxidermied Squirrel Party!

WHO:  You
WHAT:  Margaritas and chips and guacamole
WHERE:  Azteca in Cumberland Square in Bettendorf, Iowa

View Larger Map

WHEN:  Tuesday, January 25, 7:30-9:30 p.m.
WHY:  If you have to ask why then perhaps you aren't quite ready for a Taxidermied Squirrel party.

Come late, leave early, it's all good at a squirrel party.  Your appearance is your consent to be misquoted by and photographed for the blog.  You will be forced to wear a nametag.  It doesn't have to be your real name, but you must consent to be called the name on your nametag for the duration of the Taxidermied Squirrel Party.  Pictures with Todd are free and encouraged.  Todd will not be available for dancing. 

Taxidermied Squirrel Parties are not for everyone. They are not for those with liver problems. Taxidermied Squirrels are not for women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant by the taxidermied squirrel.

If you party with Todd, tell your doctor if you feel any new muscle pain or weakness. This could be a sign of rare but serious squirrel side effects. Tell your doctor about all squirrels with whom you fraternize. This may help avoid serious squirrel interactions. Your doctor should do blood tests to check your liver function before and during the Taxidermied Squirrel Party.

Common side effects from hanging out with Taxidermied Squirrels are diarrhea, upset stomach, muscle and joint pain, and changes in some blood tests.  Those with syphilis, pinworms, or chronic halitosis may experience enlarged nuts after interacting with the squirrel.

For those of you I haven't met, I will be the woman sitting at a table with a margarita and a taxidermied squirrel.  I will order the first pitcher of margaritas, guacamole and con queso, which you are welcome to watch me drink and eat.  All are welcome, except for dogs, cats, wolves, sharks, hunters, hillbillies, tires, or other natural enemies of the squirrel. 
See you there.  If you have the nuts for it.


Anonymous said...

Are you trying to out closet wifers by making an offer they can't refuse? I thought we were under a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy....

Toni said...

If you throw another party in Perth (Western Australia) I'll come. We even have squirrels (live, not taxidermied. They escaped from the Zoo.)

The Table of Promise said...

So jealous. Wish I could make it, but the drive from New York would be a bitch. Can't wait to see the pics though!!

Shiny said...

ROAD TRIPPP!!! :) ...I totally wish! Post lots o' pics, Friend! I love it!!!

GrandeMocha said...

Can you netmeeting or skype for the rest of the wifers out of state?

Constar said...

HAHAHAHAHA i came upon this blog and i thought " oh another betty crocker blog, im going to see decorations and cookies" but then i saw vagina cookies, and read "Korean sluts" and now im confused! why kind of hybrid is this!!! lol.

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