Monday Minivan Media

Picture yourself in the front seat of my Venture. (Oh yes. You're already green with envy over my life of obvious excess.) We both have a grande skinny vanilla latte, and we have a little time to kill. We could be waiting for our kids, or for our meth dealer to show up. No matter. We're here, in the van, together. Let's talk pop culture.  I promise to give you a 1000 word review where less than 10% is actually about the topic.  It's like having an actual conversation with me.





Today's book: "Open" by Andre Agassi


My Monday post is a little on the late side, because A) That’s how I roll, and B) Andre Agassi monopolized my time. Tennis players. What a bunch of prima donnas.




Our family spent five lovely years living the quaint Iowa town of Mount Vernon, home of Cornell College. If you are in the vicinity of Mount Vernon, I strongly recommend a drive-by (without guns) where you can shop at the unique stores and eat at the unrivaled Lincoln Café and have coffee and homemade cookies at Nest/Fuel. (Can you tell I used to be on the Tourism Board in that town?)


ANYWHOO – The Son has the cutest friend ever, whom he met in pre-kindergarten, and they are still best buddies. When they were 4 years old, they had their first sleepover together at our house. I didn’t have any brothers, so the whole “boy” thing was a little foreign to me. The Friend had been over for about an hour when these two completely adorable little blonde boys come running up to me, out of breath, and The Friend says, “Mrs. S, can we run around in our underwear?” They both stop, and look me expectantly. Um. I guess there are no mandatory reporters able to see in the windows, so sure, go for it. Both boys strip down to their Bob Builder/Batman tighty whiteys and start just running like hell through the house. I had no idea if this was appropriate play or not, but I watched in fascination for about 20 minutes. Boys. Who knew?


So here we are, seven years later and now about an hour apart, and they still get together three or four times a year and do boy things. I often liken them to St. Bernard puppies, big, hungry, and rolling around and bumping into each other, with huge paws and wide grins. Cutest thing ever.  So The Friend's Mom and I have a little tradition where we exchange books when we exchange boys.  The Friend's Mom has given me books like "Olive Kitteridge" and "The Time Traveller's Wife" and the like.  I've given her "Twilight" and "New Moon" and "Eclipse".  So it's a pretty even exchange.


Last time, she gave me "Open", and I didn't get to it.  I tried to give it back to her on Saturday, (along with my book "Room" for her to read), and she said, "Are you sure?  It was one of the better books I read last year..." and then she had me, because I cannot turn away from a book when it's been recommended twice.

He actually looks like he's pleading with you to read it.

Okay, okay, sheesh. You had me at sad millionaire.

I also felt compelled to read it because all his life, Current Husband has been told he looks like Andre Agassi, or at least his poorer, trashier brother.  Maybe like a Billy Carter or a Roger Clinton.  Except CH has baby blue eyes and his ears aren't pierced.  For a while, if CH was called Andre, it made me Brooke Shields, so I was okay with it.  I picked it up Saturday night and read it pretty much solid until Sunday night at 11 p.m.  Then CH forgot to take it with him to give back to the Dad to return to The Friend's Mom, so the whole "ruining my weekend with Andre" thing was pointless.

"Open" is actually a terrific book, riveting, honest, yadda yadda.  Andre isn't afraid to lay it out there and make himself look like a neurotic, needy super-mega-athlete.  Or maybe he didn't do that on purpose, but there it was.  I loved the stuff about his hairpiece, and his dad was pretty scary.  He wins a bunch of Grand Slams, divorces Brooke Shields, and marries Steffi Graf.  The end.  I have a subscription to People magazine, so I knew all of that, but it was STILL interesting, so that says something.

ON TO TODD'S PARTY:

Todd the Taxidermied Squirrel party is tomorrow night (Tuesday) from 7:30-9:30 p.m.  I wish we could Skype, but I will be off-site and don't know how to manage technology outside of the home.  I found a little sombrero for Todd tonight, and other little surprises, and there will be pictures.  I'll try really hard to post them tomorrow night after the party, but it might be Wednesday night because my pesky hooker job gets in the way of my dead squirrel fun.

TODD PARTY, AZTECA in Cumberland Square, BETTENDORF, IOWA,

7:30-9:30 p.m., first pitcher of margaritas and first order of chips, guac and cheese on Todd.  Be there and be a Nutcase.