Thursday, January 6, 2011

It's Whoreticulture Friday!
Issue 52

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or neighbors who are raising feral cats. Or the ghost of Liberace.


Today's topic: Pussy Posting

Before I get started, there is an agenda item today:
Todd's Taxidermied Squirrel Party has been CHANGED.  ALREADY.
It is now Tuesday, January 18, from 7:30-9:30 p.m., because a couple of people from my book club e-mailed me and said ,"WHAT THE HELL!?! THAT'S THE NIGHT OF BOOK CLUB!" and I said, "Sheesh, I forgot, I didn't know you miss me when I'm gone!" and they said "We don't, we want to go to Todd's party."

Hand to God, true story.  Just wait until I host the next Book Club, bitches, where I will pick "The Love Slave" and serve only soy crisps and carrot juice.

"In the hands of Karim al Malina, master of the erotic arts, kidnapped Celtic beauty Regan was to be schooled in carnal pleasure--and made a fit consort for a king. But pupil and teacher broke the cardinal rule of their relationship--and fell in love."

(Let me tell you a little embarrassing secret - my boss at the time lent me this book, soon after she lent me her electric breast pump, I actually read it, and I was forcing CH to have sex with me after about page 40.  Creepy book fact.) 

SO.  DID ANYONE NOTICE THE PICTURE SOMEONE POSTED OF THEIR VAGINA ON MY BLOG THE OTHER DAY?

I like to check the blog every so often and read the comments, which I love - I am a total comment whore, by the way - and I glance at the sidebar, and there, in the little pictures of the followers, there is a little shih tzu.  No....it's an Italian guy's head.  No...it is someone's VAGINA.  So I click on this follower, and I see the postings on the page.  They are things like "Korean sluts are hot and wet for you" and "College pussy for the taking".  I'm thinking, "Why is this person following me?  Do they think they will get customers for their clearly illegal international porn ring?"

Then I got mad.  I make it a policy not to pick on random people on the internet, but if you are posting a pussy shot as your icon, you are literally begging people to say something.  If you want to spread your wings on my blog page, at least make it interesting.  I don't want to see some random va-jay-jay.  Make it look like a cupcake, or dye it purple and shave it in the Prince sign or make it look like a standard poodle.  But if you are just posting an out-and-out pussy pic, you are wasting my time, and that of my readers.  I know for a fact that Grande Mocha and Muffintopmommy aren't putting up with that crap for a second.

TIP:  My readers now find regular vaginas uninteresting.

Case in point.  Remember these?
Click here for The Ghost of Whoreticulture Friday past.

 
So, gentle pussy, I didn't block you because you posted a crotch shot.  I blocked you because you bored me.  I ask you, Where is the Vajazzaling?  Where are the dreadlocks?  Where is Waldo?  Because if a normal, bushy vagina with slightly uplifted thighs is all you've got for me, you need to go back to the stirrups my friend.


5 comments:

GrandeMocha said...

I don't need any pictures, all I need is mirror.
But I am curious about the bedazzling. That bedazzler they had on tv would hurt. Do they glue on the crystals? I don't need SuperGlue down there either!

anna @ the hookup column said...

I normally cringe at the word p*ssy (see, I can't even type it), something about the way it sounds and the images I conjure. But I like the way you've used it here. Well done.

ForeverRhonda said...

Yes if you're going to put it all out there...at least decorate it!

Logical Libby said...

At least shave a message into it...

Lynnie said...

Oh my gosh! If I were brave and my mom wouldn't care and I didn't have a bunch of Mormon friends, and my hubby wasn't in the military, I would want to have a blog like yours. Oh wait....one time I said the "s" word but it was in really teeny type.

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