Thursday, January 12, 2012

It's Whoreticulture Friday!
Issue 75

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or anyone who lives within 10 miles of me. Or my OB-GYN.

Today's topic: Priorities

Actual article published in a local newspaper on Thursday, January 12:

Sex Doll Worth $250 Stolen in Iowa City Knifepoint Robbery
Police said the clerk at an Iowa City adult entertainment store was robbed at knifepoint early Thursday morning and chased out of the store.

According to Iowa City Police, officers responded to Romantix Pleasure Palace, 315 Kirkwood Ave., at 3:01 a.m. Thursday for a report of a hold up alarm. As officers were responding, a store employee called 911 and reported a man had entered the store, displayed a large knife and attempted to enter the employee area behind the cash register.

Police said the employee jumped over the counter and ran from the store. The suspect pursued for a short distance before turning back and stealing merchandise from the store.

A store employee said that the suspect got away with a “high-quality sex doll.” The doll is valued at $250 and media reports that the doll was worth $1,800 are erroneous, the employee said.

Iowa City Police Sgt. Denise Brotherton said the employee was able to run toward a nearby convenience store.

The suspect is described as a white man, 5’8”-5’10” and 165 pounds. He was wearing a black coat and scarf over his face and carrying a backpack. Police said the knife was described as a large hunting knife with a 6-8 inch blade.

Iowa City CrimeStoppers is offering a reward of up to $1,000 for information leading to the arrest of this suspect. Anyone with information is asked to call CrimeStoppers at 358-8477.

I think it's a real shame that there are no federal programs available to provide people with porn.  Here's a guy, obviously suffering from a severe case of blue balls, who has been forced into a life of crime to support his porn habit.  He obviously has feelings; the store IS called "Romantix".  Why should he have to live his life using pillows or sofa cushions, when the rich people can have access to a "high quality sex doll".  We're not talking Donald Trump - this wasn't the $1800 doll it was originally rumored to be. 

Iowa City Police:  I'd be looking for a guy
who looks suspiciously like Ryan Gosling.

If you're going to turn to a life of crime, don't steal obvious things like food, clothing, or Twilight movies.  You need to be the guy who robbed the porn shop for a rubber girlfriend.  When you go to prison, you are going to be the COOLEST DUDE THERE.  And in demand for parties, I would guess.  And speaking of cool guys at parties, it makes me wonder...

Where was Current Husband going yesterday,
and why did he borrow my scarf and hunting knife?

Hello, $1000!

(BTW, do you see how this man suffers for my lack of impulse control? 

Happy Whoreticulture Friday, and have a great weekend!


GrandeMocha said...

OMG funny! Love that CH posed for you, what a trooper. If I were stealing a blow up doll, I'd go for the high end one too! This could be the pilot for your sitcom about a life of sex & crime.

Rhonda said...

what a great husband! I wonder if I could ever get mine to pose as a sex doll thief!

Elly Lou said...

Your hubs does looks suspiciously like Ryan Gosling....

Susan said...

hee hee hee hee. I can't stop laughing, so awesome! Love that your husband posed as the sex doll thief. :D
Tagged you over at 75% Hippie. :)

SueWags said...

I think that's the definition of true love that CH posed as a porn robber for you. :)

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