Sunday, December 12, 2010

We're All Very Busy at Home

First, I apologize to the two people who missed Whoreticulture Friday. My budget was due at work, and while I would much rather have been blogging about sex toys or vaginal dryness, I had to project how much money my company will spend on hookers in 2011.


That joke never gets old for me. I love my job.

I get home on Friday night, and Current Husband tells me there is a note in Youngest Daughter's backpack I need to read.  Great.  I open her folder, and there is a slip of paper in there with a space for a parent signature.  It is her spelling test, and she got a whopping 2 out of 10 on it.  This is a test taken by the girl who puts on her big fake eyeglass frames every night and reads for a half hour to her stuffed animals, and is in the extensions program at school.  Translation:  Complete Lack of Effort.  Then, to make matters worse, YD's teacher wrote a note on the back that essentially said YD had not turned in more than a couple of sheets of homework this QUARTER, and when pressed, told her teacher, "Well, we're all very busy at home."

Excusez-moi?

I'm hard pressed to think about what has YD so busy at home that she can't do her homework.  Then again, she's seven, so her dance card is pretty full.  There is iCarly to watch, and a Littlest Pet Shop game to play on her DS, and siblings to annoy.  She always takes time out to roll on the floor with George the Superpet, who outweighs her by 50 pounds and almost always ends up accidentally rolling on her hair.  She also reserves an hour each night to press me on when she can have a friend over, or when she will receive some hard-earned candy.  There is the half hour she spends telling me she is cleaning her room, when it looks mysteriously the same when I walk in. 

Yes, she is far too busy at home to do her homework.  There is an empire to run, and Rome didn't build itself.  I'm sorry Mrs. S...I'm on YD's side here.  We are FAR too busy at home to be bothered with homework, because God wouldn't have allowed us to invent technology or Oreos if He didn't intend for us to enjoy them.  Are YOU going to mess with Divine Intent, Mrs. S?  I think not.

As long as we are talking about messing with beings we know exist but cannot see, let's check back in with Melvin, the Tooth Fairy.  YD lost another tooth on Friday, and she left another detailed message for Melvin, but this one felt....darker.  

"Dear Melvin, 
How do I communikate with you when I havnt lost a tooth?  What are the names of the tooth fairys of the kids in my class?  Are you real?  Gabe and Lily say you are not real, so you should stop leaving them stuff.
Love,
YD"

Melvin wrote back:

"Dear YD,
I cannot give out the names of the other Tooth Fairies, it is against the rules.  Tooth Fairies are real only to those who believe.  You are a good girl, but you need to start turning in your homework.
Love,
Melvin"

She is crafty, that YD, I will give her that.  And the next time my boss wants a fiscal year budget turned in on time when I feel like blogging about Whoreticulture, I'm going to turn it in 20% finished.  When he wants to know why I didn't turn in my work, I'm going to take a lesson from YD's playbook, and tell him that I would love to turn in a budget, but I am VERY busy at home.  

I'm sure he'll understand.

Happy Monday, have a great week!

UPDATE:  I told YD that if she doesn't get her homework done, she might not move into 3rd grade, and then she wouldn't be in class with her friends anymore.  Her response?  "That's okay, the first graders are really nice and I already play with a bunch of them." 

4 comments:

SueWags said...

I'm not sure if I can explain adequately how in tune with this post I am. Except my #2 daughter ended up in tears telling me it was THE WORST DAY OF HER WHOLE LIFE when she flunked said spelling test because her Mom didn't even glance at the words with her that week. I wish she had YD's attitude.

SueWags said...

Oh and I love your tags.........they're as funny as the stories sometimes and that's saying something! :) xo

Lisa @ akawest said...

"That's okay, the first graders are really nice and I already play with a bunch of them."

You have one smart kiddo. Politics in her future, perhaps?

Logical Libby said...

At least she didn't say something like "it's just not on my agenda." That will be in second grade.

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