Grandma Made Me Do It

I love my kids.

Now that we've got THAT out of the way, I'd like to extend an open Thank You to my husband's mother.

On Tuesday, I dropped my lovely three children off at a gas station in Eastern Iowa, and my mother-in-law put them in her car and peeled out, gravel kicking out from under the tires of her Caddy.  This entire scenario was an absolute win-win, but don't think for a second I don't know I got the better end of the deal.

What Grandma gained:

• Time with her grandchildren
• Potential information on her son
• The ability to wait on three extra people

What the children gained:

• Time with Grandma and Grandpa
• Three nutritious, yet incredibly delicious, home-cooked meals
• Fishing, boating, bonfires, fireworks, cookies
• Undivided attention from someone who isn't over their cuteness yet

What I gained

• Sanity
• Thai food
• Sex
• Booze
• Sleep
• Chocolate Lava Cake

I think we have a winner.

Tuesday - kids are dropped off.  I begin the drive home.  What's that?  I don't have to listen to the Top Ten station Oldest Daughter loves, where every song is about Love in the Club?  Hello, Damian Kulash.  Let's turn up my OK Go CD and rock this minivan.  I get back home and HEY!  I don't HAVE to be here!  What's that Starbucks?  You are selling Skinny Vanilla Lattes right now?  I'm on my way.  I get home with coffee on my breath and a smile in my heart, humming the lyrics to WTF.  Bliss.  Current Husband gets home from work, we get to know each other Biblically, and go to Inception (which sounds a LOT like Conception, and if that is what happened then this is the worst trip to Grandma's EVER, because this Uterus is CLOSED FOR BUSINESS).  Drive home from the movie, have a glass of wine on the porch, swear loudly just for the fun of it, go to bed.

Wednesday - Wake up without anyone jamming their small, adorable foot in my back.  Already a terrific morning.  Take a shower and walk through the house naked without worrying about sending someone to therapy.  Meet a friend for coffee and stay there for TWO HOURS without a phone call to break up a fight.  Mail a month-overdue birthday gift to a friend.  Peruse the aisles at the grocery store.  Buy a case of Diet Coke, a case of Sierra Nevada, an 8-pack of Smirnoff's Green Apple, milk, English muffins and Tostitos.  Drive home and work on freelance projects, and mess around in my crafty area, where I break plates and crank up Linkin Park or Jay-Z.  CH gets home, we go out for Thai food.  Spicy, delicious Thai food, which my kids don't like.  In a restaurant without a drive-thru window.  Eat chocolate lava cake for dessert with a Bailey's.  Go home and watch Syriana (big disappointment, I still don't really get the point of the movie, but who cares?  I watched it without interruption!).  Drink on the porch with CH.  Go to bed and read 100 pages of my book.

Thursday - Wake up to the smell of coffee and another morning of silence.  Ahhh.  Drink my coffee on the porch, listen to the birds, read a magazine.  A unicorn walks out of the woods and gives me a magical rose, and ponies frolick around rainbows with sparkling pots of gold at the end, and then The Edge refills my coffee cup and says, "Don't tell anyone, but I wrote the song "One" for you," and he winks and walks away and this annoying ringing noise breaks up my reverie. 


Damn.  It was Grandma on the phone.  Oldest Daughter has been away from technology for nearly 48 hours and she is starting to shake uncontrollably, and keeps mumbling "I have to do a status update...friend requests to answer...LOL..JK....LYLAS...TTYL."  It is time to return to reality.  I knew this time would pass.  And so today I will get in the minivan, crank up the tunes, get a Venti skinny vanilla latte, and get down with my bad self one last time before the kids come home, I start a full-time job, and school starts.  

It's been a lovely couple of days, and if I have sinned?  Grandma made me do it.