Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Sound of Silence

"Hello darkness my old friend...
I've come to talk with you again..."

I wish I could play that song on my blog, but alas, those day have come to an end.  I've read over and over how people hate it when your blog starts with the auto-play on music.  I once had another blogger visit A Day in the Wife and proceed to send me an e-mail outlining everything that was wrong with my blog:
  • hate the music, and so do your followers
  • don't like word verification on comments
  • too hard to find my e-mail address
  • I was too "small time"
...and then she ended it by saying, "You're killing me, Smalls".  All I did to open myself up to this was leave a comment on her blog that one of her posts was funny.  Her blog has over 600 followers, so I think she thought she was doing me a big favor, but I thought to myself, "That's IT, I am auto-playing music FOREVER!"  Because you know why I write this blog?  It's not to win an award.  It's not to get more followers than anyone else.  It's not to impress people (CLEARLY!!!)  It's because I like to write, and I think everyday life is funny.  And nothing I say is terribly original to me, it's only sometimes funny because this is stuff that happens to everyone in some way, shape or form.  I also happen to like my followers.  You're funny people.

But do you notice how this Smalls Talk happened about four months ago, and it's still on my mind?  At least I'm not bitter, right!?

Anyhoo...the other day, Stacey Ballis posted something on Twitter that was funny, and since I am now stalking her, I was going to respond with a Vanilla Ice comment.  Since I like to be accurate when I quote Vanilla Ice, I went to playlist.com and searched for the song "Ice Ice Baby".   When I hit Play, my computer went "All right, Stop!" and promptly downloaded a virus and literally stopped.  This is the fourth time I've picked up a virus on my laptop, which only started happening when I started getting music for the blog from playlist, and so, I bid playlist.com a fair adieu.  It's sad, really, because I love music and it's been such a fun tongue-in-cheek thing to put a matching song with a blog post, but Saturday was the day the music died.  My laptop is still not working, so I have to use Current Husband's computer at night.

The other person affected by my dying laptop is Youngest Daughter.  She is a big gaming junkie, and loves to play Club Penguin, Nick Jr., Disney, Webkinz, and Class Brain, all of whom can be suspected of sending viruses, or at least loads of spyware, to my computer.  Every day, YD asks if she can play my computer, and every day I have to tell her no.  She gets very sad and then walks away to read Captain Underpants books, which I suppose is the lesser of two evils.

Last night, YD and I made a Sam's Club run.  School has started, so I needed bread, lunchmeat, chips, fruit, carrots, juice boxes, cereal, waffles, after school snacks, and caffeine in various forms.  We spent about $250, a full cart night, and on the way home we were listening to the radio when the ad came on for Double My Speed Dot Com.  The people were giving their testimonials about how they went to Double My Speed Dot Com and their computers are now miraculously like new - the cynic in me says that all of their passwords and account numbers have been downloaded as well.  Pretty soon, a small voice pipes up from the carseat in the back:

"Oh great, NOW you tell us, after we've wasted all of this money on food!"

There she is, the Child of 2010, who would rather play Club Penguin than eat.  Super.  I've made my child into an Internet junkie.  "And the people bowed and prayed...to the neon God they made....Do you think I'll get Mother of the Year?  There it is again...The Sound of Silence.

Happy Hump Day!  (Ooh, I want to play "Humpty Dance" now...do the Humpty Hump...)


Toni said...

Wow. Just goes to show, you can be the rudest biatch on the block and still get 600 people to follow you. Go figure.
I still think you're funny AND I totally love that song, even tho my weird English teacher made me dissect the lyrics looking for meanings about 30 years ago (OMG....) which should have put me off for life.

Tim said...

Don't let her get you down. You are HILARIOUS. I love your posts, in all their in-your-face, irreverent glory.

This is your blog! And it rocks! Don't like it, random chick? See ya-don't need ya!

{The music didn't bother me (I enjoyed the way they always matched your topic so well), but your writing will shine just fine without them.}

Boonsong said...

I like your blog
And I like your style
Your jokes are real funny
Always make me smile
.... and never aggrivate my piles

Another excellent post. Thanks.

Have an excellent day, Boonsong

jtrabe said...

I wondered what had happened to the music. I liked it.

Peruby said...

Sigh. I just posted an entire "fix-it" comment and lost it.

Will the laptop respond at all? Can you get to the desktop?

Julie, The Wife said...

Whoa. I need to do People Hate Me blogs more often so I can fish for compliments. You people are making my day.

@Toni, if a teacher made me dissect the lyrics to that song I might have to find Paul Simon and punch him in the junk. Great song, but you can really only spend so much time trying to understand someone who was presumably high.

@Peruby, CH is my IT guy, and normally he runs a bunch of cleaning programs and stuff on the laptop and saves it, but this one is particularly stubborn. I won't pretend to know what he is doing, but now he has to go into the code because this virus diasbles the anti-virus program from the last cleaning, and he has to HTML it back on. I drink wine and watch him swear. It's fun.

Goatsinger said...

When I was a kid I used to think it'd be great to be the Hulk -- just: get angry, then destroy property. But now I realize I'd turn into the Hulk every time I thought about some past bozo.

You imagine Karla coming down and seeing a eight-foot tall green monster tearing a hole in the wall just because I got to thinking about something my boss once said to me in passing thirteen months ago? Gad.

Keep it up, Jules.


Brooke said...

LOL. Great blog.

Wendy Ramer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wendy Ramer said...

OK, now I'm pissed. First of all, that bitch who called you Smalls, she's got something nasty up her ass. I mean, who bullies at our age? Apparently, she does.

Second, having 600+ followers does not impress me. It's like Facebook - an adolescent contest to see who has more "friends". Seriously, I'll bet those with hundreds of followers still have the same 20 or so making regular comments, right?

Third, I was not a fan in particular of your auto-music play (so I guess Bitch Commenter was right about one thing), but STILL I continued to read because you are damn funny. Like you said, everyday life is humorous, and when you've got the gift of comical writing gab - as you obviously do - it's even funnier.

Finally, I'm feeling a big childish and vengeful at the moment, so if you want to send me Bitch Commenter's blog link, I'll comment. Little ol' me with 88 followers can't be offended by much.

Cheers to you, Julie!

Julie, The Wife said...

WENDY RAMER! I've never seen you with a bee in your bonnet, and I don't think I've seen a swear word out of you either! IKEA is in for a surprise when you get home. Thanks for the support! Cheers back at cha!

Stacey Ballis said...

Okay, its killing me...what were you going to Tweet me that included Vanilla Ice??? And I feel bad that somehow I was even the teesiest bit responsible for the virus. Then again, when I think of Vanilla Ice, I do sort of think "Virus", so maybe you should be more particular about who you keep company with. Anyone who takes the time in public comments to be snarky is missing the point. Even if it is constructive criticism, keep that private.

Stacey Ballis said...

One criticism of your blog...you seem to have left MY blog off your list!!! thepolymthchronicles.blogspot.com

I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

Julie, The Wife said...

*Sigh* Stacey Ballis, don't you come over here teasin' me if you aren't coming to Iowa for food and chardonnay. Has everyone pre-ordered their copy of "Good Enough To Eat" yet?

AND, I was going to say that Ice-Tidy sounded like the street name of Vanilla Ice's wife, like a suburban van-driving mom's street name. "All right, Stop! Wash you hands before DINNER, we're the soccer tournament WINNER..."

clignan said...

I liked the music, but i am new to your blog. As a new reader, I spent an hour or two creepin' up on old posts to play catch-up and the music autoplayed on every single page I opened. On a daily basis, you songs are quite enjoyable! I guess I was just in serious blog-stalk mode and didn't want any distractions!
Love the blog love the poodle!

Mary said...

Dude, that chick was just jealous because you rock and she obviously doesn't. You know her followers are just her relatives and not real followers like you have. So play on McDuff with your music and please do not let the music die because isn't that the fabric of our lives? No wait, that's cotton. Dangit, I always get those two mixed up.

Courtney said...

I am new to your blog and I love everything about it, even the music. If I am reading late at night I just mute all my sounds so it does not scare me LOL! Keep up with the insanely hilarious blog, I love it and it adds laughter to my day! I also agree with anyone that said that chick was jealous. Who comments something like that anyways? Obviously jealous bitches do!!

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