Thursday, March 22, 2012

It's Whoreticulture Friday!
Issue 78

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or anyone who lives within 10 miles of me. Or parents of my children's friends. Or men missing their balls.

Today's topic: Eunuch Erections

Tonight, Current Husband hosted Poker Night at our house.  It's funny, because when I have Book Club at our house, I clean, shop for groceries, set up the basement with chairs, get the liquor, make the food, and greet the guests.  When CH has Poker Night?  I clean, shop for groceries, set up the basement with chairs, get the liquor, make the food and greet the guests, but I don't get the benefit of The Book Club Buzz, which honestly makes me a little bitter.

After the poker party started, Oldest Daughter descended from her room to get things straight.

OD:  "Soo...this is a drinking party, right?"
ME:   "No, they are playing poker."
OD:  "But they're drinking."
ME:  "Yes, but they're playing poker."
OD:  "Would they play poker if there were no drinks?"
ME:   "....................................."
OD:  "Yeah, that's what I thought."
ME:  "They would still play..."

OD:  "Too late, Mom.  This is pretty much Book Club for guys, right?"
(She has me.  I know the jig is up.)
ME:  "Yes, but the Book Club moms are smarter."

Youngest Daughter has a gift - whenever there is an adult activity in the basement, she suddenly has 20 reason to go downstairs.  After her fifth trip into the basement, I tell her No More.  Then she needs her iPod.  Which is, of course, in the basement.  I tell her I will get it.  I descend into Poker Night in the temporary Testosterone Bunker.

On about the fourth step down, the smell of chicken, Maker's Mark, and a vaguely gassy scent hits me, much like it smells when I take the children to McFarty's Whiskey House for dinner, Home of the Jack Daniels Future Hangover Meal.

When I get to the bottom step, one of the guys turns and says, "Julie will know this.  Can a eunuch get an erection?"  Apparently there is a heated debate going on about what happens when a man is castrated.  Does he want to have sex?  Can he have an erection?  An orgasm?  And apparently, I am seen as something of a local authority on eunuchs.  All the men go silent and look at me.

"Well guys, of course a man without balls can have sex.  Many do, every day, sometimes in this house.  All men WANT to have sex, it's part of their genetic makeup.  I would guess that since the balls only control the happy juice but not the involuntary constricting of the blood vessels around the soprano's member, it wouldn't affect erections.  And I'm sure he'd still have an orgasm about five minutes sooner than he should, just like normal men, but his apology might be in a higher pitch.  I'm not a doctor, but I do write an occasional blog about these things that five people read, so rest assured you have the correct information."

And then I googled it.  I was right enough.

Whoreticulture Friday:  Misinforming people about sex-related topics since 2009.  You're welcome, America.


Rhonda said...


GrandeMocha said...

I get all my info here. I can't Google that stuff, my boss my find it on my browser history.

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