It's Whoreticulture Friday! Issue 79

Whoreticulture: The industry and science of whores and whore-related topics. Whoreticulturists work and conduct research in the disciplines of OB-GYNery, Brazilian waxers and shavers, adultery, personal hygiene mavens and easy women. The word is composite, from two words, whore, from Greek meaning "harlot" or "dear", and the word "culture". Like NPR's Science Friday, Whoreticulture Friday exists to educate and spark discussion on the science of Whorology. Whoreticulture Friday is not for children. Or squeamish people. Or Mother-In-Laws. Or people I work with. Or anyone who lives within 10 miles of me. Or parents of my children's friends. Or the Pope.

Today's topic: Condom Tracking

I love it when Wifers are looking out for me.  Today's Whoreticulture Friday Public Service message (because that's what it is) is brought to you courtesy of Cassie Boorn, social media goddess, recently in the Oprah universe.  Current Husband and I had the pleasure of having lunch with Cassie one day last winter, and she has likely been scarred ever since.  This is probably why she thinks of me when she sees shocking or mildly replusive things in the media.

Like this:

Where did I wear what?  My shoes? My lipstick?  A condom?!

That's right.  Planned Parenthood has a hip, happenin' new program called "Where Did You Wear It?" which consists of condoms that have QR codes on them, which are logged in on a special website that tracks where the user had sex on an interactive map. 

Oh yes they did. 

Here is how Planned Parenthood describes the program:

“Did you just use a condom to protect yourself against unintended pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections? You go, tiger! Sex that (is) safe, should be shared,” declares the Web site.


The interactive map also includes comments from users. For example:


"A 20 something guy and a girl whose relationship is just for fun and have already talked about safer sex and STDs used a condom in the bedroom to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. It was ah-maz-ing – rainbows exploded and mountains trembled."


And:


"A 30 something guy and a guy whose relationship is non-existent and have not yet talked about safer sex and STDs used a condom at a party because their partner told them to. It was fair- a work in progress."

I think it is important to make a few points here.

1.  When, exactly, are we scanning in our QR codes?  Is it pre-unrolling, pre-coital, or, Dear God No, POST-COITAL?  That is One. Dirty. Code.

2.  Is it really productive to rate the sex?  "Rainbows exploded and mountains trembled?"  I call bullshit, My Little Pony.  "It was fair - a work in progress"?  Ouch.  I don't want THAT on the internet.

3.  Do people need to see where I've had sex?  Would a bubble over my parent's garage and the track equipment shed at my high school show up on a Google search by prospective employers?

4.  Do I need to see where OTHER people have had sex?  "Hey, let's go see Hunger Games!  But not at Rave Theaters, there are five QR codes checked in there."  I would be tempted to buy a box of QR condoms and drive around town checking them in.  School Administration Building - "Superintendent not that great, but I'll cut him some slack because it was in a stranger's Corolla."  My local grocery store, "Meat counter - special on Tube Steak - Best cut EVER!"  

What?  I like food.

Do I love this program?  Of course I do, I love anything that gives the blog material, particularly on Fridays.  But don't get the idea I'm anti-condom.  Oh hell no.  I LOVE condoms.  Particularly for any of my children when they are of an appropriate sexing age, like 26.  Viva la condom!  But be sure to check in so we can all Google your sex.

Happy Whoreticulture Friday, and have a great weekend!