Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Day 24: Meet The Boss, Girls

Hello Wifers - it's hard to believe it is already Day 24 in my month of blogging, and even harder to believe there is anything to talk about.  So let's get into my mammogram today.

My first breast exposure of the day was upon arrival at work.  There was a very severe thunderstorm this morning when I drove to work, and I don't travel with an umbrella because that would require a degree of planning I don't possess, and REALLY PEOPLE, I don't live in London or Forks, Washington, so why the hell would I tote one of those things around?  I walked in the front door of the plant I work in, and talked to my boss for a minute.  He made fun of me for not carrying an umbrella while I wiped the mascara off my face with a paper towel.  As I walked back to my office, I noticed that the white linen shirt I was wearing was now soaking wet, and was therefore invisible.  I did have a cardigan on, but still.  Say hello to The Boss, Girls.

My second breast exposure today was at the Center for Women's Health, where I disrobed and let a kind yet anonymous woman manipulate my bare breast into a waffle maker.  I made apologies for my stubbly armpits and the lack of perkiness in the ladies, but she just nonchalantly said she had seen it all.  Translation:  "Your floppy tits aren't the worst thing I've seen today." 

I told her that my greatest fear during a mammogram (other than hearing "You have cancer") is that I am going to sneeze during the scan and tear my breast from my body like a velco boob.  You know that boob is firmly wenched down in that vise, and should you move, your skin WILL tear away like a launcher coming off of the shuttle.  I did get out of there with both breasts intact.

After the mammo, I picked up Oldest Daughter, stopped at grocery store for food for elementary school potluck, checked in at home for about 20 minutes, went to said potluck, left there to go straight to meeting at high school, came home at 8:15, got kids in showers, signed planners, confirmed plans for tomorrow night, tucked kids in, and there goes another night I wanted to putz around in my studio room.  School is back in session.

I hope your breasts had a better day than mine.  Tomorrow's work outfit is going to be a burqa.


Rhonda said...

why do the schools continually send home things to sign? every single day? to ensure you are alive and a wild racoon is not raising your kids? I'm sending a paw print on the next form.

EleCat said...

lol! My boobs had a fairly uneventful day..... Reminds me that I really do have to go in for a few routine checkups.......... a little freaked out by the possibility of having my boobs torn off. :)

Jen said...

Thanks for giving me a new Most Unrational Fear. I guess I was due for a change.

GrandeMocha said...

I never worried about the sneeze before. Thanks.

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