Sunday, August 21, 2011

I'm Having a Shot for Breakfast

Hello Wifers!

I'm finally back home from the Hooker Convention, which was very fun but tiring.  Hooking takes a LOT of energy.

I arrived at home around 11 p.m. to some happy kids and an even happier Current Husband.  He was actually waiting on the front step when I pulled up.  Of course, I'm all monthly today, CH's luck just ran out.  Not to mention my bitchiness.  George the Superpet is happy though, because this is the time of the month that he hopes someone leaves a bathroom door open so he can rip the garbage apart looking for treasure.  I'm sorry George, I love you, but sometimes dogs are pretty damn gross.

Today, my parents stopped by on their way home from Ohio (they came to the Hooker Convention too, but to see relatives, not for the hooking) and we went out for dinner at Texas Roadhouse, which is sort of our joke because their permanent residence is in Texas, so they drive to Iowa to eat at a Texas Roadhouse.  I know, it's SUPER funny if you're here.  Well, not even then really.  I was a complete glutton and pounded back a 6 ounce filet and loaded baked potato and a Ceasar salad and those damn rolls and a margarita, while my vegetarian daughters ate salad and potatoes and watched me kill myself.  Mongo like steak!  CH looked at the kids like, "Just sit quietly and no sudden movements, it's her time of the month and she is holding a steak knife."

We got home and I decided since I was gone all week, I would do some work in our basement.  We are getting our basement finished, and CH and I decided we would save some money and tear down the current walls ourselves.  How hard can it be?  Well, kind of hard, actually.  I was picking up big chunks of drywall and MOTHERF***ER, I grabbed a rusty nail and punctured my finger.  I had to call Mom and find out if I HAD to get a tetanus shot tonight or if I could wait until tomorrow, because Mom is a nurse, and she said, "I can't remember if it's 12 hours or 24 hours that you need to get it.  And I can't remember if it's 5 or 10 years since you've had your last booster if you need to get another shot.  I'm sure you'll be fine, but if you wake up and your fingers are all twisted, go to the ER."

So Reassuring.

This is from the nurse who would make Hamburger Helper for lunch on Saturday, leave it in the pan on the stove all day, and then warm it up again for dinner, so I'm not always sure if I should be taking her medical advice, but I call My Friend Paige The OB too often about stupid shit like this, and besides, I think her service is blocking me after I drunk dialed them, so I'm taking my chances and waiting until morning.

If you don't hear from me again, it's because I turned into Cujo overnight and I'm frothing at the mouth and have trapped my neighbors in their '84 Ford Escort and am on a first-name basis with the pack of 39 feral cats who live on my street.  I'll miss you people.


Jenbug said...

LMFAO! I'm pretty sure Cujo had rabies, not tetanus! Here's a little story 'bout the tetanus:

My grandma got lockjaw from tetanus and had to be hospitalized for a week. The end.

I told you the story was little.

She didn't say if it was painful, but who cares? A week off, being taken care of, and possibly hopped up on painkillers? Not my idea of a bad time. I'm just saying.

Rhonda said...

Jenbug's story up there almost makes me want to get tetanus. A week off...with other people making your food and stuff. Sa-weet.

pegzhere said...

Once a month we clean up a compete pantomimes that is all twisted ip tiny as it has passed completely through the dogs system. He and George can hang.

pegzhere said...

While I would like to say that he is talented enough to compete in pantomiming, it is actually a twisted complete pantiliner we are cleaning up. Maybe the dog can type one the iPad better than I can

Julie, The Wife said...

Although I would like to see a pantomiming dog. That deserves a Snausage.

Anonymous said...

ok --this is the funniest thing ever. I have had the worst week ever and it is 11:00 on a Saturday night and I am laughing my head off. And just a FYI --- my daughter lives in Chicago ---had bool club -- a book by Jen Lancaster - -and Jen came to her book club --which at the time was held in her teeny tiny studio apartment. Good sport that Jen!

Post a Comment

Let's talk. Tell me all about it.